13 Things to Do When You're Worried About Everything

Amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been a lot of concern, panic, and outright fear. Some of this is because of the constant media coverage, some of it is because of continuous changes and regulations, but a lot of it is because of the unknown. 

In my lifetime, and my parents’ lifetimes, there has never been a situation quite like this one. The ongoing “joke,” if you will, is about the lack of toilet paper, but in reality there aren’t any bottles of soap or hand sanitizer to be found. The grocery store is like a wasteland, and at this point, we aren’t really sure when things will reach some sort of normal again. 

The grocery store is like a wasteland, and at this point, we aren’t really sure when things will reach some sort of normal again. 

I will be the first to say that I worry over just about everything. My anxiety is an everyday battle, and sometimes the toughest things are those that most people probably don’t even think twice about. So, it was a surprise to me that I’m not really worried about the pandemic. 

In fact, I have been oddly calm about the whole thing.  It’s really quite interesting. And, I’m not the only one! I was reading about this phenomenon a couple of days ago. If you struggle with anxiety, you might have noticed this, too! For some of us, it’s been an (unfortunate) break from the anxiety.

But for those of you who are not usually anxious, this pandemic might have you worried or scared. It might not make sense to you, because you may not even be thinking about the virus itself. It might be the social isolation or fear for loved ones. It could even be the sheer fact that we don’t know how big or bad this will get before it’s over. 

How manage anxiety

Whatever you’re worried about (do some soul searching), there are a few steps you can take to help yourself get through: 

STEP 1: Accept that You're Worried

If you deny that you’re worried about anything, even if you feel like it’s the smallest thing in the world, it will just keep growing. 

STEP 2: Think About Why You're Worried

This doesn’t mean to think about your anxious topic. It means you need to dig a little further into your mind and figure out the reason behind your worry.

STEP 3: Don't Dwell

As hard as it is, and as much as you might feel like it’s not working, you have to do your best not to dwell on the things that are making you anxious. 

IMPORTANT NOTE

If you begin experiencing physical side effects from anxiety, make sure to call your doctor. I am NOT a licensed doctor or therapist, just someone who regularly manages this kind of worry. 

From my own experience, different levels of anxiety can look and/or feel like: 

• Peeling at dry skin

• General restlessness and the urge to always be doing something, even when it’s logical to rest

• The urge to cry at things you would normally be able to handle

• Easily irritated and/or quick to react (when that’s out of the ordinary behavior)

• Twitching

• Migraine headaches

• Panic attacks

• Nausea

• Diarrhea

• An elephant sitting on your chest

• A feeling like you can’t breathe

Sometimes when anxiety gets physical it can be really scary. If you feel like you can’t manage on your own, get help. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and you might be saving yourself other nasty problems. 

Getting help does not mean you’re not strong, nor does it mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means that you know, as a person, that you have reached the limit of what you can do for yourself. 

Getting help means that you know, as a person, that you have reached the limit of what you can do for yourself. 

The good news is that you can do this! You are a unique human being with unlimited potential, as cheesy as that sounds, and you are meant to do special things on this earth. While anxiety might pose short-term difficulties, it can’t stop it unless you let it. 

How manage anxiety

If you’re determined to prevail (and I hope you are!), here are some things you can do, even (especially?) when you are socially distancing yourself, to help yourself when you are worried about everything: 

Take a Social Media Break

Being so connected to everyone can be a blessing, but it also adds to your stress and anxiety! If you’re anxious, you should definitely plan to take a break from all forms of social media for at least one solid day. Even better if you can avoid it for a whole week or more. This is CRITICAL. It’s one of those situations you sometimes don’t even know how much you’re on social media until you stop using it.

Once you get past the initial urge to click the apps on your phone or type the name into the search bar on your internet browser, you will likely find that you are not only relieved, but don’t miss it nearly as much as you thought you would. 

Set a News Schedule

First, and this is a big first, be choosy about where you are getting your information from. This is an important rule of thumb in regular news, but especially during times like this where it seems like every person on the planet (qualified or not) has an opinion posted on the internet.

Inundating yourself 24/7 with information WILL overwhelm your anxiety, it’s just a matter of how quickly.. 

Second, once you have determined which news to read, DO NOT check it every 5 minutes for updates. Don’t even check it every hour. Select 2-3 times during the day where you will purposefully get updates on anything in the news and then only look at those sites during the allotted time. Beyond that TURN IT OFF. Inundating yourself 24/7 with information WILL overwhelm your anxiety, it’s just a matter of how quickly.. 

Abstain from Caffeine

Caffeine effects on anxiety

When my grandma died, someone very smart (maybe a university therapist?) clued me in to the fact that caffeine acts the same way on your body as anxiety. That year I dropped caffeine altogether, and it was the best decision I could have made under those circumstances. I can’t stress this enough: if you drink 3 cups of caffeine in the morning (I know, I know, coffee is amazing) and then continuously throughout the day, that DEFINITELY adds to your anxious feelings. If you can’t cut it altogether, at least cut back a little bit - it really is for your own benefit, I promise. 

Take a Walk

Getting some fresh air and time away from screens can do wonders not only for your anxiety, but for your health in general. When you’re walking, look at the houses and scenery around you.

Sometimes the things we drive by every day on our way to work are unique and interesting but we don’t take the time to notice. This will also give you a change of scenery and allow your brain to explore other things besides the inside of your house/office/etc. 

Set Up a Routine

One of the things about anxiety, as you might have noticed, is that it intensifies with the unknown. When there's no normalcy. So, what better way to help yourself be less anxious than to set up a daily routine, especially when you're at home 95% of the time? This could be as simple as waking up and getting ready for the day as you would on a normal work day. Or, it could be more elaborate with planned breaks throughout the day. I have two alarms on my phone - one mid-morning and one mid-afternoon - to remind me to stretch.

Creating a routine is helpful because it creates a sense of the known.

Creating a routine is helpful because it creates a sense of the known. You can make the choice to keep up your routine, and therefore you gain back some normal "expected" elements of your life.

Read a Book

As a lover of books, this is a go-to for me. Other readers out there can probably relate to the feeling of escaping into the world of a good book. If you’re not a reader, you can still benefit from an audio or ebook! I’m a firm believer that people don’t like reading based on their prior experiences and selecting the wrong books. If you need suggestions, email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com and we will get you situated! I bet you I can find something that piques your interest. 

Play with a Pet

Dogs pictures

I don’t know about your pet, but my dog Charlie is just about the best little companion in the world. His furry, excited little body is always ready for a game of fetch, tug, or a no-judgement snack. He loves to join me on my walks, but he also loves to sleep next to me as I work. It’s a win-win. Playing with him takes me out of my own head when I’m anxious and forces me to focus on the funny things he’s doing. It also gives him much deserved attention! This would work with your pet, too! 

Not everyone has a pet, which is understandable, but you can still get in on the cuteness by watching realtime: kittens, puppies, sharks, and pretty much any animal you want to watch! Google “_____ cam” and find one for yourself! Explore.org has a great variety of live animal cams. 

Create Something

Thinking creatively and the act of creating something helps anxiety because rather than focusing on what we’re worried about, we’re focused on our creation. This could be a poem, a piece of art, a piece of music - whatever strikes you. Give yourself permission to just do something creative, even if it’s not perfect. Just because you create doesn’t mean you have to share it with others. It’s the act of creating itself that matters most. If you’re really stuck and can’t think of anything (been there!), try an adult coloring page. I also really love my Vizuarts craft. 

Give yourself permission to just do something creative, even if it’s not perfect.

Watch Your Favorite Movie

Growing up I always found myself watching the same movies over and over and over again. I’m a HUGE Disney fan, and I have seen almost all of them a thousand times (or so it seems). I’m sure it drove my family crazy, and my husband doesn’t enjoy it much now (although comparatively, I feel like I’ve really cut back).

In doing research about anxiety, though, and learning how to maintain my worry, I discovered that anxious people do tend to watch the same movies over and over because it becomes comforting. I know what will happen when I watch my favorite movies: that’s why I watch them! So, if you’re really worried, pop in an old favorite and soak in the fact that you know exactly what’s coming. 

Clean Something

Cleaning

This news probably shouldn’t have been such a shock, but it was for me. Clutter and messiness adds to anxiety. For me, when I see that our home is messy, I have trouble focusing on work and my creative projects because I feel the necessity of cleaning pressing down on me. Boo. No one wants to feel pressured by mess! So when you’re anxious, try cleaning something. Put away the laundry in the basket, do the dishes, vacuum the carpet - whatever it is that will get you off the couch and moving around.

You don’t have to clean the whole room, but even doing one “chore” will take your mind off of your worries and  change your mindset to think about being productive with your cleaning! If you hate cleaning, try setting a timer for yourself and doing one task until the timer goes off. We used to play this “cleaning game” growing up, and it works surprisingly well for both children and adults. 

Call a Friend

When you’re down, who’s going to be there to pick you up? Your friends, of course! During this time where we are socially distancing ourselves from each other, being isolated can be lonely and hard on the nerves. So, I challenge you to call a friend. Not text, not direct message (DM) on social media, but actually make the voice call. Or better yet, video call them! Apple has the Facetime app, and Android has the Google Duo app - check it out! Facebook also has video capabilities, I believe, but I’ve never used it before. This would be a great time to try it out!

During this time where we are socially distancing ourselves from each other, being isolated can be lonely and hard on the nerves. 

Meditate

Meditation is fantastic. It feels a little weird the first few times you do it, but once you learn, it’s a powerful way to take back your body from anxiety. I like using meditation to drift off to sleep, but there are also calming, compassion, and mindfulness meditations that would be helpful with managing anxiety. My preferred (and free) apps are: Stop Panic and Anxiety by Excel at Life and Insight Timer by Insight Network Inc. 

Make a Gratefulness List

Last, but certainly not least, take a few minutes to physically, with a pen and piece of paper, write down what you are thankful for. Dig deep if you have to, but come up with a list of at least 5 things you are grateful for today. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our anxiety is change our perspective. Thinking positive by itself may not be a “fixed it” solution, but it will certainly help! And, you will have valuable insight about the great things in your life, too. 

If, for some reason, you absolutely hate the idea of writing these things down, or you feel like someone will read them and you are not comfortable with that, you can use a digital app to do something similar. I like: Journey by Two App Studio Pte. Ltd., Pixels by Teo Vogel, and Gratitude by Pritesh Sankhe. 

Sometimes the best thing we can do for our anxiety is change our perspective.

Anxiety

Anxiety can be tough to deal with, especially when you’re not normally an anxious person. The important thing to remember is that you are not your anxiety. You are MORE than your anxiety. As my mom has always told me, “This, too, shall pass.” I am more than willing to help you in any way I can, but if you get overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to call your doctor and get help. You don’t have to go it alone. 

What have you done to help your anxiety? How did it work? What advice do you think others with anxiety should hear? I’d love to hear about it! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com.

A Brief History of Women in Higher Education

In honor of Women’s History Month, this month’s teaching blog is about the history of women’s education and how teaching became thought of as a feminine career. 

If you are interested in reading beyond what I’ve gathered, check out some great sources at the end! 

The Need for Women’s Education

For most of the United States’ history, women were viewed as homemakers and were primarily in charge of all things domestic. Most fulfilled roles within the household, and were the main caregivers of their families, especially children. 

Since most of the country was still pretty rural in the 1800s, women and children in the household were thought to be sheltered from the realities of a world that was often unkind. The idea of the “Cult of Domesticity” started in the beginning of the 19th century and continued to gain traction throughout the years. 

Women’s God-given role, it stated, was as wife and mother, keeper of the household, guardian of the moral purity of all who lived therein

Thoughts from the Cult of Domesticity

The thought was that, “Women’s God-given role, it stated, was as wife and mother, keeper of the household, guardian of the moral purity of all who lived therein” (Conner Prairie). Women were the moral standard for the home and acted as a compass for their husband and children - especially through Protestant beliefs. 

As the world changed, women began to realize that there could be more to life than bringing up children and tending to the house. This didn’t mean everyone was ready for women to seek work and fulfillment outside the household, but that opportunity was right around the corner. .

It wasn’t until the mid-1800s that women really began to have a chance to attain a college education. Women’s colleges, and co-ed colleges, began to allow women to attend a limited number of programs. Oberlin College in Ohio was the first to admit women in 1837. 

Women were able to attend teaching schools, sometimes called Normal Schools. They were also allowed to enroll in home economics programs. Any woman attending college was doing so to better be able to tend to her home and children - not necessarily to enrich her life or interests, and certainly not to become an income earner outside the home. Or so the majority thought when these schools began to open. 

Women’s career paths were opening up as education expanded. With so many people moving to the cities, and men taking other kinds of jobs, there was a shortage of teachers amidst a growing public education system. This proved to be  problematic when there were more students and people than ever before! 

As women were beginning to add to the teaching force, they were also going into medical careers with jobs like nursing, and some even became doctors. The thought of women having extensive medical knowledge still made many men feel uncomfortable, but everyone was learning. 

It perhaps isn’t surprising that women were involved in the medical field, as they had almost always been considered carers. Who better to take care of sick and injured patients than loving carers armed with knowledge? The same thought makes sense for adding women to the teaching workforce. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u68eWJl_pcw&feature=youtu.be

Although men had historically been in charge of children’s education, opinion began to sway toward women filling this need for more teachers. Some thought of women as the perfect fit because they were believed to be more nurturing than men. 

Some thought of teaching as an extension of domestic life - a way to teach women how to properly raise boys to be good men. Still others thought that teaching children was much like tending to children at home (including instruction in purity), a task women had already been doing for years. 

Although men had historically been in charge of children’s education, opinion began to sway toward women filling this need for more teachers.

Women were also seen as cheaper labor for better work. They would teach and do the hard work of continuing to instill morals and manners in the children, but would not have to be paid the same as male teachers. Schools hired in male principals to resolve any conflicts too “rough” for the women to deal with, and that’s when the quintessential idea of the young, unmarried, pretty school teacher started to become prevalent. 

Just because the world had opened up a little, though, did not mean that everyone was an open book to women’s education. Colleges, if they did admit women, extended only a few available programs to women. In fact, until Title IX was passed in 1972, colleges were legally allowed to restrict what programs women could enroll in. 

Access to Higher Education 

College, in general, was much different for women attendees than it is for contemporary women. Most schools were gender separate because administration thought the dignity of men’s education would be compromised by women and that women might become less delicate if they had as much knowledge as men. 

Women’s suffrage was a work-in-progress, and although many people thought women’s education was important, not everyone agreed on why or how. One of the women on the forefront of a more conservative view of education for women was Catharine Beecher. 

Beecher founded both the Hartford Female Seminary (with her sister) and the Western Female Institute. She was a big promoter of girl’s Physical Education (PE), and offered a wide range of subjects to her students in both institutions. Her main focus in these institutions was training women to be better and more educated wives and mothers.

The proper education of a man decides the welfare of an individual; but education a woman, and the interests of the whole family are secured.

Catharine Beecher, Treatise on Domestic Economy

Interestingly, Beecher was against women’s suffrage. Her most famous book A Treatise on Domestic Economy (1841), was all about women’s place in the home, and as educators. She believed that women’s power was in the domestic sphere, not out in the wide world. 

As the two schools of thought pushed against each other, progression did occur. It wasn’t without struggle, much the same as with other movements of the time. 

Women who went to college didn’t marry as quickly, if at all, compared to women who had less education. They also weren’t having as many children. In a society where gender roles were rigid and there were a lot of traditional expectations of each sex, this became a really big problem. 

If the original intent was to make better wives and mothers, but women weren’t taking either of those roles at the same rates as before, the “goal” of higher education for women was missed - at least according to traditionalists. 

This would be an ongoing battle with women’s education, and other rights that make up equality. It remained quite a debate for many years following - all the way through the 60s, and even afterward! 

Title IX was passed in 1972, which made it illegal for any institution to discriminate based on sex for activities and programs that were federally funded. Even then women faced considerable barriers to higher education outside what were considered “women’s careers” like teaching. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5K-pIRUnbY

The Women’s Rights Movement 

The progress in education would not have been possible if not for the hard work of women throughout the years. 

It all officially started on July 13, 1848 - 172 years ago! - in New York. Elizabeth Cady Stanton, a mother and housewife, went to tea with a few other women in her social circle and vented her frustration about the limitations she was facing as a woman. The American Revolution was over and won, but was everyone truly free from tyranny? 

Her friends agreed: they all felt the same discontent. So, they made a plan for change.

No one thought this change would be easy. 

Just a week later at the Seneca Falls Convention on July 19-20, 1848, the movement clearly defined their grievances in a document called the Declaration of Sentiments. Elizabeth Cady Stanton modeled the document after the Declaration of Independence. 

There were a number of people at the convention who were shocked by the idea of women wanting the right to vote. They were eventually swayed, however, and the movement was official. It’s important to note here that the movement wasn’t just comprised of women. There were many men who fought to make changes, too.

No one thought this change would be easy. 

In the end of the Declaration of Sentiments, there is a striking line:

“In entering upon the great work before us, we anticipate no small amount of misconception, misrepresentation, and ridicule; but we shall use every instrumentality within our power to effect our object.” 

The Declaration of Sentiments, 1848

“In entering upon the great work before us, we anticipate no small amount of misconception, misrepresentation, and ridicule; but we shall use every instrumentality within our power to effect our object.” 

After the convention, the women at Seneca Falls had hoped for conventions like theirs to spread across the country - and they did! Some conventions were small and some were so large they overflowed the meeting spaces. 

Of course big change doesn’t come without resistance. The media slammed the new ideas, and, as we probably all relate, this can sometimes cause people to change their minds or retract their forward-thinking ideas. BUT, thankfully for us, the women’s movement soldiered on! 

Elizabeth Cady Stanton wasn’t the only woman pioneering the movement. She also had the help of other amazing women such as: Susan B. Anthony, Matilda Joslyn Gage, and Lucy Stone. 

There were also many incredible African-American women working for the cause. With as much struggle as white women faced, women of color faced even more hardship.

Ida B. Wells and Mary Church Terrell were instrumental in rallying thousands of African-American women who were fighting for equality for all women. 

After all of this momentous effort, the 19th Amendment was passed in 1920 and women everywhere were legally allowed to vote. 

The Women’s Bureau of the Department of Labor was also established in 1920 to monitor women’s experience in the workplace, advocate for equality, and protect women at work. 

Progress continued, and in the 1960s a new wave of the women’s movement commenced. We have continued to build and grow since! 

Some of this may be old news, but I hope you learned some new and interesting things! I know I had fun reading about some of the women who worked so hard to get us where we are today. 

What do you think? Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com - let’s chat! 

Sources

Advances in Gender and Education

https://www.ncgs.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/The-Education-of-Girls-and-Women-in-the-United-States-A-Historical-Perspective.pdf

Conner Prairie

https://www.connerprairie.org/educate/indiana-history/lives-of-women/

Jewish Women’s Archive

https://jwa.org/encyclopedia/article/working-womens-education-in-united-states

The Journal of Blacks in Higher Education

https://www.jbhe.com/chronology/

Library of Congress

https://www.loc.gov/item/today-in-history/july-19/

MIT Program in Women & Gender Studies

https://stuff.mit.edu/afs/athena.mit.edu/org/w/wgs/prize/eb04.html

National Archives

https://www.archives.gov/women/timeline

National Park Service: National Historical Park New York

https://www.nps.gov/wori/learn/historyculture/declaration-of-sentiments.htm

https://www.nps.gov/articles/african-american-women-and-the-nineteenth-amendment.htm

National Women’s History Alliance

https://nationalwomenshistoryalliance.org/history-of-the-womens-rights-movement/

National Women’s History Museum (NWHM)

https://www.womenshistory.org/articles/why-are-so-many-teachers-women

Our Documents - 19th Amendment

https://www.ourdocuments.gov/doc.php?flash=false&doc=63#

The United States Department of Justice

https://www.justice.gov/crt/overview-title-ix-education-amendments-1972-20-usc-1681-et-seq

The Western Carolina Journalist

https://www.thewesterncarolinajournalist.com/2016/05/04/the-history-of-women-as-teachers/

You Need a Timely Blog Schedule. Here's Why.

March is Women’s History Month, so what could be more fitting than talking about timely blog writing?!

In honor of women everywhere, from every walk of life, this month’s blog posts will be specifically focused on women.

Why is it important to strategize and plan special content throughout the year? 

So what’s the deal with timely blog content? Why is it important to strategize and plan special content throughout the year? 

Before we get to the why, we need to talk about the basics of timely & topical blog content.

How Do You Choose What to Write About? 

Blog Organization When you look at a blog, you’ll usually see some primary categories blogs fall under. These are larger concepts that many subtopics can fall within, and allow a blog to maintain focus instead of just “braindump” about everything. 

As readers, we usually come to blogs for information or to figure something out,

As readers, we usually come to blogs for information or to figure something out, and it can be pretty frustrating when we think we’re reading about one thing and all of the sudden it’s a different topic entirely. 

Our category layout at Capturing Your Confidence is:

My Novel Experience

• Personal topics related to my own experiences

• Blog updates

Inspiration 

• Inspirational topics for writers

• Motivational topics

• General confidence-focused topics (not specifically for writing or teaching)

• Special topics throughout the year (like holidays)

Writing

• How-tos

• Encouragement

• Confidence-building

• Honest problem-solving

Teaching College Writing

• How-tos

• Encouragement

• Confidence-building

• Honest problem-solving

Books

• Reviews

• General interest topics about books

• Interviews with Published Authors

What People Want! Blogs also write about what people want to read! When a particular blog does really well with your audience, you obviously want to give them more and similar content so they want to keep reading. 

Keep Readers Interacting When they continue reading, readers are more likely to engage with the content, which is the ultimate goal. We want to keep readers interactingin ways like: 

• Sharing on social media

• Sharing via email

• Pinning on Pinterest

• Commenting

• Linking on their websites and/or sending to friends

• Visiting website again to read more content

Plan for “Timely” Content Last, but not least, most bloggers plan for “timely” content. These are special blogs outside of their normal content cycle that are typically in celebration or discussion with a current event. Timely content allows bloggers to benefit from conversations or hot topics that “everyone” is talking about.

What are “Timely” Topics? 

Everyone has their own version of what a timely topic is for blogging. Most really successful bloggers use these kinds of timely topics to keep their blog relevant and mainstream: 

Holidays Holiday content can be nationally or internationally recognized holidays like New Year’s Eve/Day.

It can also be fun trivial holidays like Pi Day on March 14th. Where the blogger is from and the audience to which their content is directed will drive their holiday content scheduling.

Big Events Timely content might also revolve around big or impactful events. For instance, this year is 2020 and began a whole new decade. This is a pretty big event for many people, and one worth creating special content for!

Where the blogger is from and the audience to which their content is directed will drive their holiday content scheduling.

Milestones As with most things in our lives, we like to celebrate milestones. For many people, we do special things for our birthdays because they mark milestones in our lives. I just planned a surprise birthday party for my husband’s 30th birthday (which was a great success!). 

We also celebrate births and promotions. 

So it makes sense that we would plan timely blog content about our business and blogging milestones. 

“Hot Topics” or “Buzz Topics” Hot topics, or buzz topics, are those that “everyone” seems to be discussing. With it being election year, there are an especially high number of buzz topics going around. Creating timely content about these kinds of topics (that fits within your blog categories, of course) is a great way to be relevant and draw a wider audience than you might normally get. 

How Do You Know When to Add a Timely Topic Post? 

Ultimately, when bloggers create timely topic posts is completely up to the individual. That being said, keeping things timely is crucial if the blogger wants to be truly successful. 

There are a couple of important times when it’s smart to create timely content. 

Established holidays & loop topics play a big role in my content calendar. 

Established Holidays At the beginning of the year, I identify what holidays I will write extra blogs for, and when those blogs will be published. Certain times of the year are busier than others, like November & December, because there are more holidays occuring.  

In a time where we have very short attention spans, it’s crucial to keep your audience happy and coming back for more. 

Loop Topics Loop topics are those that can circulate every year at a specific time. I like to create loop topics around the season changes, like spring & summer ideas. Since I also create teaching content, back to school, spring break, and end of semester are also important loops in my calendar.

Bloggers add these kinds of content to spice things up and increase audience engagement. It’s important to deliver timely and topical content, but not to let things get stale! In a time where we have very short attention spans, it’s crucial to keep your audience happy and coming back for more. 

The best thing bloggers can do when figuring out when to post timely content is to consider anything they want to read during certain times of the year and make sure to plan for it. If you want to read it, others do, too!

What Do You Write in a Timely Topic Post? 

It’s one thing to have a plan for all this great content, but what the heck actually goes in those posts? 

PostsRelated to Your Categories The most important thing is that your timely blog posts are related to one or more of your categories or subcategories. Don’t just write words to join a movement if it doesn’t have anything to do with what you normally talk about. This is sure to confuse your audience and probably make them less excited than normal to read your content.

Relevant & HelpfulPosts Just like regular blog posts, your timely topics should be relevant and helpful to your audience. Remember, we read to get help and relate to others. Our content misses that connection if we don’t relate to our audience and help them with their needs. 

Our content misses that connection if we don’t relate to our audience and help them with their needs. 

Thought-Provoking & FunPosts Timely blog posts can also be thought-provoking and fun! Fun and thoughtful posts might also allow you to stretch your subtopics a little and cover things you might not normally cover. They can add a little zing to your content without taking away from your impact.

Posts that are lists or include guides can be excellent timely topical posts because people love to have tangible things they can come back to. Spring cleaning list? Sure winner! Fall back to school guide? Pretty much guaranteed interest!

“Pro” Tips 

As a not-quite-new blogger, there are some things I have learned from planning timely content. 

FIrst, don’t overwhelm yourself! Especially if you are a brand new blogger, it’s probably not reasonable to expect yourself to put out a brand new, good quality blog every day for every holiday. Quality is more important than quantity, and you don’t want to create built-in burnout for yourself by overscheduling.

Make sure to plan ahead. There will be some months where you are slammed with potential special content. While this can be a great opportunity, it also means more work for you. There will also be some months with just “regular” content. If you don’t have special content to create, what do you need to be working on that month?

You and your message are at the core of what you do. Don’t just write blogs to write them.

When possible, collaborate with others. This is sometimes easier said than done, as blogging can be a pretty solitary activity. Collaboration helps you create more quality content with less content generation time for you. It’s a win-win if you can find trustworthy co-bloggers.

Be genuine. You and your message are at the core of what you do. Don’t just write blogs to write them. Write blogs that add value to your audience’s lives. Your audience came to your blog specifically to read what you are saying - make it worth their while! 

Last, but certainly not least,  evaluate yourself after a few topical posts. We need to evaluate our successes and misses in order to grow and get better. You don’t want to work on your topical content for a whole year only to find out that you should have changed it 3 months in!

Do you read or write topical content? How do you plan? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com.

Interview with an Author: Dr. Deborah Mix

Our February guest author here at Capturing Your Confidence is Dr. Deborah Mix.

Deborah Mix teaches American literature and Women's and Gender Studies at Ball State University, where she is a professor of English. She is the author of "A Vocabulary of Thinking": Gertrude Stein and Contemporary North American Women's Innovative Writing (U of Iowa Press, 2007) and the co-editor, with Logan Esdale, of Approaches to Teaching the Writing of Gertrude Stein (MLA Press, 2018).

Her articles have appeared in academic journals including American Literature and Contemporary Women's Writing and in edited collections including The Cambridge History of 20th-Century American Women's Poetry (Cambridge, 2016) and Revisiting the Elegy in the Black Lives Matter Era (Routledge, 2020). 

We connected with Dr. Mix about her writing & teaching experiences, and what advice she would give to aspiring authors.

Tell us a little about what your specialty studies.

I’m a teacher and scholar of American literature, with a specialization in twentieth-century American poetry in particular. I’m especially interested in the ways that women poets understand themselves and how we can understand them in relationship to one another, sort of like a family tree of writing. How does understanding one writer’s work help us think about another’s, and vice versa.

Tell us about your writing journey. Have you always wanted to be a writer?

No. I don’t think I really considered the “writing” aspect of academia when I headed in this direction. I just wanted to read interesting things and talk about them with other people. In some ways, I’m still learning to think of myself as a writer.

Where did the idea for your edited collection, Approaches to Teaching the Works of Gertrude Stein, develop from?

My co-editor and I had both done scholarly work on Stein, and we’d both been teaching her writing in our classes and making the case for Stein’s significance. But it was our sense that while a lot of other people thought her work was important, they weren’t sure how to teach it.

While a lot of other people thought her [Gertrude Stein's] work was important, they weren’t sure how to teach it.

At the same time, we knew there were people out there doing really exciting things with Stein’s writing in their classrooms. We wanted to bring those ideas together in a collection.

How does the process of collaboration work between multiple editors? How does it differ from working on a piece of your own?

The biggest challenge was balancing our approaches to writing and editing. Logan wanted to take a more active editorial approach than I did at first, but I came around to his way of thinking. We had to move in my direction in terms of the material we wrote because there just wasn’t space for the level of detail he wanted to include.

Logistically, we also had the challenge of coming up with a system to keep track of drafts of essays and to make sure we spoke in one voice in our comments to authors.

What was your process for putting the collection together?

Because the collection came out through the Modern Language Association (MLA), we had to go through multiple reviews along the way—it was a slow process! We wanted a collection that included approaches to a wide variety of Stein’s work, not just her most familiar pieces (like Tender Buttons and The Autobiography), as well as a wide variety of pedagogical strategies.

Selecting the essays to include was both pleasurable and difficult—people are doing wonderful things with Stein’s writing in their classrooms!

Selecting the essays to include was both pleasurable and difficult—people are doing wonderful things with Stein’s writing in their classrooms! We worked closely with the authors on their essays to ensure they met our goals for the collection as well as the authors’ goals for their work. 

Describe your biggest writing obstacle and how you overcame it.

I’m not sure I have overcome it, but I’d say my most common challenge is believing that what I’m saying is valuable. Sometimes I feel like Captain Obvious, and I have to remind myself that what feels obvious is often the product of a lot of thinking and research on my part, so it won’t feel obvious to anyone else.

How do you balance teaching and writing? Where, if any, do you see intersections between your work and your writing?

Because I know what it’s like to feel like an impostor or to doubt the value of my writing, I can help students who harbor the same fears. As a writer, I love a good close reading, so that’s something I try to encourage in my students. Good arguments (and good writing more broadly) should come out of and stay grounded in textual detail. 

What is the part of the book (or process) you are most proud of?

I’m really proud of the range of ideas in the collection. There are essays about teaching Stein’s operas (Four Saints in Three Actsand The Mother of Us All), her mystery novel (Blood on the Dining Room Floor), and The Making of Americans.

There’s truly something for almost anyone who wants to teach Stein’s writing.

There are ideas for teaching her work in introductory classes and graduate courses, and in American Studies, theatre, and creative writing contexts. There’s truly something for almost anyone who wants to teach Stein’s writing.

Do you have plans for another book or additional published writing in the future?

I’m talking with a colleague about putting together an edited collection on the feminist poet, scholar, teacher, and editor Kathleen Fraser.

Do you write creatively, or would you ever consider doing creative writing? If so, how do you think that differs from your academic writing?

No, I don’t feel drawn to write creatively, though I admire the poet/scholars that I know very much.

What do you want the world to know about you as an author?

I see myself as a feminist scholar, seeking to foreground the voices of other feminist authors.

What is the biggest piece of advice you would give to aspiring writers?

Figure out what you’re curious about and ground your writing in those questions.

Figure out what you’re curious about and ground your writing in those questions.

If you would like to purchase Dr. Mix's book Approaches to Teaching the Works of Gertrude Stein to use in your classroom, or just to read, you can find a copy here.

If you would like to purchase Dr. Mix's first book on Stein, A Vocabulary of Thinking, you can find a copy here.

If you know an author, or of an author, you would love to read an interview with, email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com!

4 Ways to Gain Confidence When You Need It: Exploring Confidence Series, Part 4

Welcome back to the Exploring Confidence Series!  

When you try to gain confidence, how do you do it? 

In the fourth and final part of our Exploring Confidence mini-series, we will discuss why you need confidence and what we do to gain confidence when we don’t have it.

Series Review

In Part 1 we defined confidence as: the “quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans, or the future.” We discussed self-efficacy, where confidence comes from, and the fact that everyone needs it! 

In Part 2 we expanded these ideas and discussed two important factors that create confidence: support from our network and taking risks & succeeding. 

Confidence is made up of a combination of inner strength, willingness to be wrong, and the knowledge that you can get back up when you fall down.

Confidence matters because it creates a more positive mindset, allows for better interactions with others, and creates an easier path to success

In Part 3 we got into the details of four major reasons we lose confidence: lack of support network, harmful support network, confidence never fully developed, and bad/failed experiences.

When we lose confidence, we become afraid to make decisions, don’t take action on our big ideas, worry more, and feel resigned and/or stuck.

Why Do We Need Confidence? 

If you’ve been following our series (yay!), you might remember from Part 1 that everyone needs confidence. It’s important!

Why is it so important, though? Confidence helps us: 

Make Decisions When we are confident, we doubt ourselves less, and as a result, we are able to be more decisive. We don’t have to linger on the agonizing question of whether we made the “right” decision because we are sure of our knowledge and abilities. 

Take Control of Our Lives When we are confident, we make decisions. Sometimes those are good, and sometimes maybe not so much. But, if we are scared and stuck in our comfort zone, we miss opportunities to really live rather than just survive each day. We are more likely to take a risk and get a reward. We might also take a risk and receive a negative consequence. Either way, our confidence allows us to be drivers in our own life rather than passengers. 

Build Connections When we are confident, we network more effectively and build stronger connections with other individuals. Sometimes these are like-minded people who grow into friends or family. Sometimes they are opposites or compliments to our skills who grow into business partners. Our confidence makes us more willing to reach out or have necessary conversations that might normally make us uncomfortable. 

Our confidence allows us to be drivers in our own life rather than passengers. 

Succeed When we are confident, we can fail forward and grow. We build relationships, make decisions, and take control of our lives. These are keys of success! Trying, working hard, and knowing we can face any obstacle that comes our way. After all, everything is figureoutable (thanks for this gem, Marie Forleo!). We need this kind of confident and positive mindset to see real, long-lasting success.

How Do We Gain Confidence When We Don’t Have It? 

It’s great when we have confidence, right? Because we do the things we love and know we need to do - and we win! Sometimes they are basic things, but we are still doing it!

But we are all humans here, and no one is immune to down days. And sometimes those down days can be really down. 

I’m talking about days where everything is going wrong and no matter how many times you’ve done something you feel like you are failing (and not forward).  Can you relate? 

Can you relate? 

What do we do in these situations? 

Sometimes we give up, and you know what? A day or two where you surrender to the bad day isn’t necessarily a bad thing. They can be terrific growing moments (after the day is over, of course).

BUT, if you find that you don’t have confidence on a regular basis, you have some work to do! I am 100% sure that you are a capable person who has a lot to offer the world. I have no doubts. I’m not the one who needs convincing of that, though, because I already know. It’s you who needs to be convinced of your own awesomeness. 

So when you are feeling low or scared, when your confidence is nowhere to be found, try these things. They’re sure to work, and excuse the language, but you’ll be your bad ass self again in no time! Or, maybe for the first time, if your confidence has been hiding for awhile.

Take a Breath & Affirm Yourself.

The very first thing you should do when you need confidence and don’t have it is to take a breath. Close your eyes and breathe in slowly. Clear your mind of everything else, especially your stressors and anxious feelings. 

The very first thing you should do when you need confidence and don’t have it is to take a breath.

Take slow deep breaths for as long as it takes for you to clear your mind. The first few times you try this, it will be hard. Keep going! After you use this strategy a few times, you will notice it getting easier, and more calming. 

Once you’re calm, open your eyes and reaffirm yourself. Speak out loud to yourself, and if you are in a place with a mirror, look at yourself while you are saying your affirmation(s). 

Select a couple of short and powerful mantras that work for you. If you think you will forget, write them out or print them and carry them around with you. 

If you are totally lost or thinking “What the heck should I say to myself?!”, I have created a printable list for you! Click the button below to get it now. Feel free to use it however is most helpful, whether that’s using the phrases as they are or using them as inspiration for your own! 

Get My Affirmations!

Let Yourself Have Down Days.

Not every day will be a great one, and that’s okay. Part of what allows us to really appreciate joyful times are those bad days that seem like they’ll never end. It’s okay every now and then to just embrace the fact that you’re having a down day. 

The key being every now and then. If you find yourself in a holding pattern where you have a bad day every few days or every week, take some time to analyze what’s making the day so bad. Is it a major part of your life that’s causing an issue? These kinds of things might include work or relationships. 

Figuring out what’s causing your down days is instrumental in having less of them.

If it’s not major things, what kinds of minor things are causing an issue? Bad habit? Something health related that’s manageable but annoying? 

Figuring out what’s causing your down days is instrumental in having less of them. Not to mention, they can sometimes feel less bad when you realize what’s causing them. 

Replace Your Idea of Failure. 

Failure as a concept is kind of useless, when you think about it. 

The dictionary defines failure as a “lack of success in doing something.” 

What exactly are we supposed to do with that? 

Nothing! 

All failure tells us is that we didn’t do something well or achieve our expected outcome. Not to mention it feels downright bad when we say “I failed.” We trap ourselves into thinking that because we didn’t succeed, we won’t succeed - which absolutely isn’t true!

We need to reprogram our brains to think, “How can I do/be better next time?” rather than “I am a failure.” 

What we need isn’t necessarily an idea of “failing,” but an idea of growth when we don’t succeed. We need to reprogram our brains to think, “How can I do/be better next time?” rather than “I am a failure.” 

Questioning ourselves is critical to growth. There will almost always be a “next time,” so our goal shouldn’t be to dwell on the fact that we did something wrong, but how to do/be better when our next time comes.

Out of all the steps to take to grow your confidence, or get it back, this is the hardest one. It’s so hard to go against the grain of what feels natural and comfortable, but believe me, it’s worth it. Your confidence will thank you, and whatever “failure” you’re facing next time will feel like a speed bump instead of a wall!

Do What Scares You.

Take a moment and think about what your life would be like if you did all the things you were scared to do. Are you dreaming of an awesome life?! What if I told you that you could have that life? That doing the things that scare you will literally change your life?

Doing the things that scare you is a game-changer. 

Doing the things that scare you is a game-changer. You don’t have to just take my word for it, either. There are 4 things you can start doing TODAY to start working toward your awesome life. If you’re interested in a more in-depth look at doing things that scare you, I wrote a whole blog about it (it’s one of my very favorites!). You can find that here, if you’re interested. 

Step 1: Make a Plan You have a vision for your awesome, confident life. That’s great! Now you need to know how to get there. Write down the big steps you have to take. Then, write down how to get to each big step. Don’t take action just yet, but keep your list handy.

Step 2: Take Small Steps Your first steps into doing scary things should probably be small. You don’t want to get so overwhelmed that you give up before you really get going! Look at the smaller things on your list - do you need to network with people to get a new position? Try adding the individual on LinkedIn. 

Step 3: Take Secret Steps This part is important! We often love sharing our new ventures, especially with friends and family. While this is great, and can lead to a strong support network, I want you to take some steps just for you. 

Revel in what you find out and accomplish that no one in the world knows about except you. Because when no one else knows, and you feel that surge of confidence, you will know it’s coming from you and your actions alone. 

Take some steps just for you.

For instance, if you decide to research something you’ve always wanted to do, even if it’s without intention of making a decision by yourself, it’s important for you to know that you’ve taken the initiative on your own. No one prompted you, and you’re not beholden to anyone to provide updates. It’s purely an act of confidence to be able to say “I did this work, and now I know how I can make this happen.” 

Step 4: Use the 10 Seconds of Courage Rule This tool is especially great if you’re struggling with confidence around other people. The idea is that you take 10 seconds and do something that scares the bejeebers out of you and you convince yourself you can do it because it’s only 10 seconds. 

Want to ask a new romantic interest out to dinner but don’t know how? Take 10 seconds of courage to type out a text and hit the send button. It doesn’t have to be fancy, and you won’t have time to overthink. Just do the thing. You’ll be surprised by how confident you feel once you’ve done it! 

Even if that person says no for some reason, you can use the 10 seconds of courage rule to do almost anything. Heck, that’s how my now-husband and I began our relationship! I took 10 seconds of (insane) courage and asked about it! It sparked the convo and here we are 8 years later. 

It’s also how I negotiated benefits at my job. This really works, folks. And once you get the hang of it, it’s exhilarating!

This really works, folks. And once you get the hang of it, it’s exhilarating!

All of these steps are tried and true - I use all of them in my everyday life, and I know I’m not the only one. Not having confidence can be brutal, and no one should have to feel like they’re surviving their life instead of living it. 

Be kind to yourself as you’re learning and growing your confidence! For some people these steps might seem easy, but for others they will be incredibly hard. Either way, you’ve got this.

Did you use the steps? How did they work for you?  I’d love to hear about your journey! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com. 

3 Reasons Every Class Should be Casual Friday Attire

After the semester is in full swing, I begin converting my attire to casual. Usually, jeans and a nice dress shirt. 

My very first semester teaching, I was scared to death to stop “dressing up” for class. I wore a dress shirt, slacks, and dress shoes with pantyhose. I took the extra time to do my makeup and hair nicely. It was really as if I was interviewing 3 times a week - at least that’s what I thought. 

I eventually did convert over, at the very end of the semester, when I was so tired it took effort to put a matching outfit together at all. What I found was shocking.

Not only did the students not care what I was wearing, but I engaged with them better.

Not only did the students not care what I was wearing, but I engaged with them better. I was more comfortable in my own skin and prepared to do more creative activities and discussion in class because - shock of the day - I actually felt like myself instead of just a role I was playing.

Being a college English teacher is a lot of responsibility, and at 22 when I started teaching, I had much more strict notions of what I thought I should be like in that role. I thought I needed to dress up to garner respect from the students and be known as the authority in the classroom. 

As it turns out, my authority in the classroom doesn’t come from what I’m wearing, it comes from my experience and what I know. This revelation was a surprise, but probably shouldn’t have been. Why did I assume that wearing nice clothes would earn me respect and authority in the classroom more so than casual clothing? Why did it matter at all?

The main conclusion I’ve come to is that I hadn’t seen many relaxed teachers before I started teaching my own classes. Much of my formal education involved teachers in dress attire with formal “strict” procedures we had to follow. I was lectured at a lot, and while my teachers were certainly knowledgeable experts, many of them didn’t engage with classes like I do. 

In fact, the most memorable teachers I’ve had were those who engaged more and seemed less focused on the formalities of the classroom. They were receptive to student knowledge and worked hard to engage students where they were at rather than assuming knowledge levels and then lecturing for 50 minutes three times a week. 

This isn’t to say that any college English teachers I encountered were unprofessional. On the contrary, I find the diversity in the displays of professionalism intriguing, and even inspiring. Some of the most distinct lines between these differences are generational, geographical, and cultural. 

I find the diversity in the displays of professionalism intriguing, and even inspiring.

Probably the biggest difference I’ve seen is between male and female professors. In my experience, it seems the ladies tend to take more care with their outfits and general appearance. The gentleman are much more likely to come to class wearing casual attire like jeans. 

It begs the question - does the attire really matter? If female professors dress up for class and male professors don’t, does that change the content or delivery of the material? I don’t think so. 

Personally, I dress “nicely” for the first weekor two; but, the rest of the semester is much more casual! And, as I gain more teaching confidence, I start bringing in my casual attire sooner. 

Here’s why:

Comfortable Attire = Comfortable Presentation of Material

When I’m dressed comfortably, which for me means casually, I am more confident. I don’t have to worry about my nice clothes being itchy or constrictive. Or my dress shoes leaving blisters. 

I am free to share knowledge, answer questions, and make students interact with each other so they can learn together. I am more creative in my presentation of material, and because I’m more comfortable, class just goes...well, better. 

I am more creative in my presentation of material, and because I’m more comfortable, class just goes...well, better. 

This isn’t to say that no one is comfortable in more formal attire; however, the main question to ask yourself when considering whether or not to dress formally is what goal you are achieving by doing so. 

Are you dressing formally to prove a point? Or to present a specific level of credibility? Because you are unsure if you are allowed to be more casual?

Whatever answer you come to, it’s important to remember that the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the better and more effective you can be as a college English teacher. 

Self-Awareness of Teacher Ethos

In first year composition (FYC) we teach students about the rhetorical triangle. If you are unfamiliar with this terminology, there are three main concepts: 

Ethos - Credibility; How does the author present themselves & the material? Why do we believe the author, or why not?

Pathos - Emotion; How does the author attempt to sway your emotions and tug at your heartstrings in attempt to persuade you?

Logos - Logic; How does the author appeal to your logic? What evidence do they use to support their claims?

We learn about how writers use these methods of persuasion to effect audiences, and then students analyze imagery and text to see how they work. Many times, we teachers use familiar examples, like ourselves, to explain each appeal. 

How we present ourselves in the classroom can determine the course of the semester, especially that first week when students don’t really know the instructors yet.

While this is a standard part of many English classes, it’s also a part of daily teacher life. 

How we present ourselves in the classroom can determine the course of the semester

If you are strict, wearing dress clothes, and present yourself with an air of being so much the expert that you don’t have any room for growth, the students are much less likely to engage and ask questions. They are probably afraid to be wrong - I know I was when I was a student in this situation! Your ethos tells them you know a whole lot more than they do and you’re not afraid to show it. 

Students respond much differently than if you are wearing a polo and jeans, smiling, and making them feel welcome. Your ethos is different. You’re still an authority - after all, it is your class - but you are now seen more as a person who knows lots of things than an unapproachable expert. The moment you become a person rather than a generic teacher role is the moment students will begin to open up and engage. 

How do we want students to feel around us? How can we facilitate their learning? If we do want (or are required) to dress formally, how can we use our body language to present an approachable ethos to our students?

While clothing is only part of the equation for having an approachable ethos, it is a relatively easy change to make, and one that can have an immediate impact. 

Learning Doesn’t Depend on Clothing

Think for a moment about the best teacher you ever had. What do you remember about him/her? 

It’s probably not what they were wearing, right? Unless it was something really eclectic and unique. 

The truth is, how a student learns doesn’t depend on what we are wearing, especially at the college level. Students bring their own set of strengths and challenges into the classroom with them, and it’s our job to help them learn. 

How a student learns doesn’t depend on what we are wearing, especially at the college level.

Does it matter whether we help them learn in jeans or slacks? Or whether our hair was curled or thrown up in a messy bun? 

Not really. 

It’s obviously important to be clean and present yourself with appropriate personal hygiene, such as brushing your hair and wearing clothing that covers the essentials. Showing up to teach your college English class in baggy sweats and your slippers is obviously going to be distracting to learning! 

But jeans and a nice shirt aren’t doing any harm. 

After all, that’s not the part of your favorite teacher you remembered, was it? 

Being comfortable in your own skin is one of the most important parts of our job as college English teachers. It is easier for many of us to be casual because that’s who we are in general. 

I’m certainly not opposed to dress clothes in the classroom! But, if the only reason is that you think that’s what you’re supposed to do or how you’re supposed to be, you might consider what message you’re sending to students. 

We are, in fact, people before we are teachers, and when we can highlight that in the classroom, class becomes more a more comfortable venue for good discussion and growth. 

We are, in fact, people before we are teachers, and when we can highlight that in the classroom, class becomes more a more comfortable venue for good discussion and growth. 

These are my experiences on casual attire in the classroom, but I’m interested in what you think! What have you seen in the classroom? What do you think about bringing more casual attire into the classroom? I’d love to hear about it! Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com! 

Small Progress is Progress

April 29, 2019: “The most exciting thing that happened today was I started writing again! Not like that other attempt last year, but really writing. I’ve been thinking about it all day. Already have 6 ½ pages!”

Almost a year ago, I began the journey of writing my novel. 

I wrote 2 sections of my book that weekend. The words came hard and fast. Excitement coursed through my veins as page after page came and went. The spark I thought had extinguished long ago was reignited, and even a year later I can vividly picture that first real writing session. 

It’s an incredible feeling to tell people I’m writing a book knowing that it’s real.

Since then, I have written an additional 85 pages and the inspiration is still strong. 

It’s an incredible feeling to tell people I’m writing a book knowing that it’s real. It might still be a draft, and it’s completely different from anything I ever thought I’d write, but it’s mine. And one day not too long from now when it’s done and ready to publish, I will see my name on the front of a real novel. 

Knowing this incredible blessing I have for inspired words, it’s interesting to me the comments I hear from other experienced writers - many of whom are published. 

I hear a lot of “the first draft always sucks” and “just get it onto the paper and then fix it.” 

While I value the fact that these kinds of comments encourage drafting, I find that almost anything I read about writing a first draft is very focused on how bad it will be and the other potential negatives. 

My first question when I see these comments is always Why? Why are we telling new writers and writers who are just returning to the fold that their hard work, sweat, and many times tears is going to be awful the first go-round, almost without exception?

My second question is What’s the goal? Because if it’s a claim of being realistic, there are other ways of telling someone their writing needs work. 

If the goal is to “harden” writers or get them ready for criticism, then it would be more helpful to actually give feedback on a piece of writing rather than outright discouragement. While it’s true that not everyone will like a piece of writing, there’s almost always an audience available that will. Part of the hard work of writing is the process of finding & marketing it. 

My last question is What is the expected reaction? If we’re telling new or discouraged writers that no matter how hard they work their draft will suck or need to be completely “fixed,” why would we think that they would continue to ask for guidance? Or even continue to write at all? 

In the end, progress is progress, no matter how small it is. 

I’m not, by any means, saying that anyone’s drafts are perfect. We’re all human, and so we sometimes spell things wrong or word a sentence awkwardly. Hell, sometimes we start a paragraph talking about one thing and get to the end and find out it’s completely different from the beginning. That’s part of the writing process.

Drafting is CRITICAL. 

But in the end, progress is progress, no matter how small it is. 

The small progress matters because:

When we write, we have the capability to bring entire worlds to life and illuminate aspects of the human experience we don’t really think about in our everyday lives. We use words to create incredible experiences from nothing. We sometimes stare at a blank piece of paper (or computer document) for what feels like a lifetime to bring our imaginative thought to life. 

The fact of the matter is that the same blank piece of paper was staring every accomplished author in the face before they created their masterpieces, too. 

Writing is not always about being able to crank out X number of words or pages a day, especially not in the beginning. It’s about learning the process that best works for you and writing the dang story! 

It’s one thing for a seasoned professional who makes a full-time living to expect or create hard and fast time to write 2,000 words a day, but that’s probably not reasonable for a new writer. Does this mean the new writer is less talented or less worthy of guidance? Absolutely not! 

The seasoned professional started off as a beginner and worked hard to hone their craft. The ability to be able to write 2,000 words a day didn’t happen overnight, and certainly the requisite knowledge of what to do with those words didn’t either.

Progress is a sign of growth. The biggest, most important thing that any of us can accomplish is growth. We need it to be better people, and better writers. 

We can’t expect to make life-altering growth every day - that would be exhausting and unsustainable! 

But, we can work diligently and see small progress on our goals and projects every day. It’s in this progress that we see the most growth. By the time you’ve done a month of diligent daily, or even weekly, work, you can definitely see the fruits of your labor. Your small progress seems a little bigger than you thought before. 

The biggest, most important thing that any of us can accomplish is growth. 

As a college English teacher, I plan and promote small progress in all my classes. I am a huge proponent of drafting and hard work on making writing better. I tell my students the same things that I believe myself: 

Drafting is CRITICAL.

We NEED feedback.

Writing is a SKILL, not a talent.

Your story and voice is IMPORTANT.

We all start SOMEWHERE and usually that’s not our best work.

As new writers, my students need the information and nurturing I give them in order to ingrain these concepts into their writing process ideology.

Outside the classroom, there is an absolute need for experienced writers to mentor beginners or those who might be lacking in confidence. 

There is an absolute need for experienced writers to mentor beginners or those who might be lacking in confidence. 

But we can’t expect to be successful mentors if the first contact is negative and focused on how bad the starting point might be. 

Does it matter if a first draft is awful? 

Yes, it does. However, it matters more that the writer can get constructive feedback and learn how to improve than for someone they’ve entrusted their writing to to say “These are all the things you have to fix” with no consideration of what’s working well. 

When in doubt, use a compliment sandwich: 

Compliment (Positive comment)

Constructive feedback

Compliment (Positive comment)

Although this method sounds corny, it really works! Many teachers - myself included - use it for student feedback. It gives structure to comments while also delivering some much needed (sometimes a little sensitive) writing feedback. 

As I work through my book, the number of people who are interested keeps me inspired. People I’ve written and worked with are excited about what I have to say. It’s truly humbling, and I can’t wait for the finished product so I can share my words with the world. 

Small progress is progress. 

I may not write every day, but most weeks I write a new section. I have 91 pages now, and that number will only keep growing. My goal is to have a completed draft done this year. I know for a fact that my small progress every week will make that happen. 

Because small progress is progress. 

How do you make progress? How do you measure how you’re achieving your goals? I’d love to hear about them! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com.

4 Romantic Valentine’s Day Gifts to Woo Your Literary Love

Struggling with what to get your writer this Valentine’s Day? These heartfelt gifts are sure to win their heart!

Poem

Many “classic” love stories include poetry written for a special someone - and for a good reason! A good love poem can make someone smile both inside and out. Whether you choose to write about her smile, his sense of humor, or anything in between, a brand new poem created in honor of your love is sure to win them over! 

Presentation Options:

Handwritten on any available paper

Handwritten on decorated paper or cardstock

Typed & printed on regular paper

Typed & printed on decorated paper or cardstock

Preparation: 

If YOU Write the Poem: Craft your poem. Take a day or two afterward to think about it, but don’t read it. Before you give it to your special someone, read it again to make sure there aren’t any spelling or other really obvious errors. When the poem is complete, prepare the final copy and gift it to your love.

Not everyone likes poetry, but there’s something extraordinary about such an artistic use of words.

If You COMMISSION the Poem: Reach out to a couple of your poetically gifted friends (or stop by a poetry booth when you’re out and about - there seem to be pop-ups the week before Valentine’s Day) and ask for them to write a poem. Make sure you tell the poet the special things you would like to highlight before they write the poem. When you receive the poem, read it through to make sure you are satisfied before you give it to your special someone.

Why It’s Meaningful: 

Not everyone likes poetry, but there’s something extraordinary about such an artistic use of words. Whether your goal is a laugh or a smile, or even a happy tear, if you take the time to write a poem or have one written about your partner, it shows that you are thinking of them and all the things you love. It also shows that you’re engaging with one of their favorite things in the world - words - even if you don’t generally enjoy that on a regular basis.

Short Story

If your special someone prefers longer writing, crafting a short story with him/her as the main character might be perfect! Short stories are still short enough for a brief read, but long enough to have a plot. You could write a story about the day you met, a day in the future you are looking forward to, your favorite memory together, or, if you want to go really big, write the story of your proposal (and follow through)! 

Presentation Options:

Handwritten on any available paper

Handwritten in a journal or notebook

Typed & printed on regular paper

Typed on regular paper, specially bound to look like a booklet

Preparation: 

Decide which story you want to tell before you try writing anything down. It should be something meaningful that you have shared or hope to share together. While your special someone is the “main” character, you can be a main character, too - get creative! 

Once you have decided what story to tell, write it down. Even if you don’t consider yourself a “writer,” do your best to tell the story as if you were telling someone who doesn’t know the story.

Love keeps things exciting, like a good story!

You can also try writing in third person, where you describe the plot from an outside point of view (rather than an “I” point of view). You don’t have to share it, but thinking about yourself and your partner as characters might help you get your point across more easily. 

Take a day or two away from the story, then do a final read-through. 

Prepare the final presentation. If you want to get it bound or looking a little more “finished,” go to a local office supply store (like Office Depot) and they can look at all the options. 

Why It’s Meaningful:

A lot of people think of their daily lives as boring, so if you choose a specific moment or memory that was meaningful for both of you and write a story about it, it shows that daily life isn’t quite so boring, after all.

Writers also spend a lot of time in their heads planning characters and plots, and it’s a nice thought that you, as a loving partner, are showing interest in that world while also remembering that your daily lives together are not boring when you look up close. Love keeps things exciting, like a good story!

Love Story Notebook & Pen 

All the literary people I know love a good notebook - and when you give a notebook and a pen together, you are giving a passport to the great depths of imagination. While this may seem dramatic, many writers feel this way! For this gift, not only will you be gifting your partner two things they absolutely love, you will also be giving them your version of your love story.

On the first pages of the notebook, write your love story from beginning to end. This doesn’t have to be exhaustive (especially if you’ve been together for a long time), but a reminder of the major milestones, hardships, successes, and things you love about your special someone. 

If you don’t want to write down your love story, you could also write a good old-fashioned love note, in your best handwriting, of course.

Presentation Options: 

Handwritten in a standard spiral bound notebook

Handwritten in a fancier bound journal or diary

Preparation: 

First you will need to purchase the notebook, journal, or diary. Choose something your partner will love. Whether that means it’s their favorite color, has a nice image or quote on the front, or is made out of fancier material like leather, keep in mind what they are likely to use. 

When you write your love story or a love note, it breaks them out of the story mindset and allows them to be more in the moment.

Once you have the notebook, plan your love story or love letter outside of the notebook. Take the time you need to include the important parts and aspects. The reason you are waiting to write in the notebook until the final presentation is because drafting is often messy. We forget things, cross them out, or draw arrows all over the margins. You don’t want to include these in the nice version you give your special someone. 

Carefully write the final version in the notebook and gift to your love! Wrapping is optional. 

Why It’s Meaningful: 

If your partner spends a lot of time reading or writing books (especially love stories), chances are they think about their own story in similar terms. They think about the actions, reasoning, timing, and other surrounding events. Things you may or may not see or notice become important simply by virtue of the fact that it’s a huge part of your partner’s work.

When you write your love story or a love note, it breaks them out of the story mindset and allows them to be more in the moment. Not only that, but the fact that you have put so much thought into presenting your love story in connection with what they love to do is incredibly heart-warming and shows you care.

Book Flowers

Want to do a more “traditional” gift but don’t want to brave the flower shops near Valentine’s Day (or pay the extra pricing that’s been added for the occasion)? Have no fear! Book flowers are here.

You can make as few or as many as you like, and all you’ll need is your special someone’s favorite book or love story (or yours), a pair of scissors, glue, and patience! This great tutorial walks you through the process step-by-step!

Presentation Options:

As a single flower

As a bouquet without any type of covering

In a decorative plastic sleeve

In a vase or other creative floral display

Preparation: 

First, select & acquire the book. The good news is that one book can make many many flowers if you want to gift them a large bouquet. If you already have the book, you saved yourself a step!

A paper flower gifted to me in grad school. It's now a lovely decoration in my guest bedroom.

These are flowers that won’t wilt, so your partner can keep them as long as they like!

Once you have the book, make the flowers. Be sure to leave enough time to do a nice job, especially if you are not used to crafting. These things, while not difficult, do take time and patience (and don’t always turn out great on the first try). 

Decide how you’re going to present it to your special someone & gift it!

Why It’s Meaningful: 

The biggest investment in this gift is time! Between the time it takes you to figure out what book to use, go get the book, flip through the pages to make sure you have solid text on both sides, cut out the pages & petals, and assemble the flowers, you’ve gone to quite an effort to do something nice for your partner!

Not only will they appreciate that you know what their favorite book is (or that you have chosen your favorite to share with them), but also the fact that you made the flowers specially for them. They are also flowers that won’t wilt, so your partner can keep them as long as they like!

BONUS: Every Day Love Notes

If you’re a planner & want to win your literary love’s heart this Valentine’s Day, consider this gift. Out of all the gifts above, this is the one with the most preparation - not to mention you should gift it on Feb 1st, NOT the 14th!

The idea is that you will write one miniature love letter to your partner for each day up to and including Valentine’s Day. This could be a short note about something you love, something you’d like to do for them, or even something you’d like to do with them. Each day they will open one letter, with the biggest and/or most meaningful being opened on Valentine’s Day.  

Presentation Options:

Almost any way you want! The most popular are: 

Cardstock with small envelopes for each day attached

Standard sized separate decorative envelopes for each day

Preparation: 

First, decide how you’d like to gift the notes. Do you want to get creative and do some crafting with paper and small envelopes? Or are you really busy and just want to decorate average envelopes and make them prettier (since they’re already practical)? Either way, you’ll want to think about this before you write the notes, that way you know how long each needs to be. 

Write the notes for each of the 14 days. They should be separate pieces of paper or cardstock because your special someone will only get one per day!

It’s all about effort, and this gift shows how much you’re thinking about your special someone!

Once you have the notes, put the final presentation together and gift on Feb. 1st! 

This is also a great gift for long distance couples because you can send them through the mail without much extra preparation. 

The bottom, numbered cards are from a previous Valentine's Day. The other notes on the top are another format of everyday love notes I used when my husband and I were apart one summer.

Why It’s Meaningful:

Love notes are always thoughtful, but 14 loves notes?! The fact that you put that much thought and preparation into being ready for Valentine’s Day a whole 2 weeks ahead is heart-warming. Not to mention the fact that you took time to think about 14 separate things you love about them (or that you love about your love) and carefully write them down by hand. It’s all about effort, and this gift shows how much you’re thinking about your special someone!

These are ideas that I’ve gifted or been gifted, but certainly not the only romantic ones out there! Are you a literary lover? What have you gifted or been gifted? I’d love to hear! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com and let me know!

4 Easy Steps to Increase Creativity at Work

UPDATED JULY 2020

I’ve been thinking a lot about creativity at work lately. Having recently gotten into a position where being creative is very helpful, it occurred to me that jobs I haven’t liked very much didn’t give me the opportunity to create. I’ve also encountered jobs where creativity wasn’t really an asset because I needed to pretty strictly follow instructions. 

I’m sharing my method because I know I’m not the only creative who has struggled with this! 

To survive these jobs (because we need things like food and shelter), I had to figure out a way to use my creativity while still staying within my professional boundaries. I’m sharing my method because I know I’m not the only creative who has struggled with this! 

Follow these 4 steps to increase creativity at work:

Step 1: Question Yourself

The first step is all about analyzing your feelings about the work you do.

Whether you’re scraping by and need some survival tips or love your job and want to change things up, the very first step to capitalizing on your creativity at work is to ask yourself these questions: 

• What do I like about my job?

• What do I dislike about my job?

• What about my job could make my life easier?

• What about my job could be more enjoyable (or less annoying) if I made changes?

• What will happen when I make changes?

• What can I personally change that will not interrupt or negatively impact my productivity?

• Why do I want to make changes?

• What outcome do I expect when I make changes?

• Will I make multiple changes immediately or add them slowly?

• Who else might be affected by my changes?

This first step is all about analyzing your feelings about the work you do. You don’t necessarily have to write about these things at length, or even write them down at all; however, to make improvements and add that creativity you’re craving at work it’s important to first analyze what’s going on right now. If you skip this part and just start making changes, it will be less rewarding in the end because you won’t have a clear idea of where you started.

What You Do

Step 2: Analyze What You Do

The second step is all about figuring out what you are actually doing right now.

Once you have thought critically about your current workflow, your likes and dislikes, and why you want or need to make changes, you are ready to think about your creativity! There are two major components to consider as you think about being creative at work: 

Job RequirementsThese are “what” items: things you absolutely need to do your job successfully. Think about things such as: 

• What tasks/projects need to be completed

• When tasks/projects need to be completed

• Skills you have that you actively use to complete your tasks

• Skills that would make your job easier or more efficient that you don’t currently have

• Resources you use to complete your tasks or projects

Job Functions These are “how” items: ways you do work to complete your job successfully. Think about things like:

• Specific task/project protocol you must follow

• Your motivation for completing tasks

• The organization method(s) you use to keep yourself on track at work

• How you spend a majority of your time (i.e. do you spend time making calls, answering email, working on difficult problems, etc.)

• How you use the resources available to you

This step is all about figuring out what you are actually doing right now. What your work is and how you do it is important! Sometimes the work itself isn’t the reason we are miserable at our job. It can also be the way we complete tasks/projects.

Passion

Step 3: Connect Passion to Your Work

The third step is about figuring out how your passions and work overlap.

You’ve figured out why you need change, what you do, and how you complete your work. You’re doing great! If you’ve felt stuck in a rut, this kind of critical thinking can be difficult because you might be tempted to look exclusively at why you don’t like your job. On the other hand, if you love your work, you might tend to think more about the parts you enjoy and leave out parts that could be better. 

In either instance, you are, in fact, working at your job and you got it for a reason. Whether that reason is because you have a family to feed, you want to make a difference in the community, or even just be financially independent, this job right now is helping you get there. That idea can be hard to see, especially when you’re unhappy at work; but, everything you do is a stepping stone to get to where you want to be. 

Everything you do is a stepping stone to get to where you want to be. 

Work can sometimes get disconnected from your passions, which can be a major cause of discontent. It’s hard to like doing something when you don’t really care about the outcome, right? This step is about figuring out how your passions and work overlap.

Doing Work You Don’t Love

Almost everyone has done a job they don’t really like at some point or another. Some major offenders are customer service jobs. Who here has had one of those? I know I have! It’s not always pretty, especially when you have an unhappy customer on your hands. 

But when you work in customer service, you also get the satisfaction of solving someone’s problems or helping them find the ideal product that solves their issue. Nothing is quite like the feeling of knowing that your smile and willingness to help, even if forced, made someone’s day when they were struggling. It’s the small things like this that help bring passion to your work.

Part of bringing creativity into your work is figuring out what aspects can and cannot change. In customer service, there are always similar expectations you must follow - be courteous, efficient, and knowledgeable about your industry. Even though those things don’t change, the way you perform them can!

Part of bringing creativity into your work is figuring out what aspects can and cannot change.

The other part is figuring out what you’re passionate about. If you don’t love your work, what do you like to do? And how can you connect that interest to your job?

Don't Love

It all boils down to four main questions:

What makes you feel good about your work? 

Why do you do this work? 

What do you love to do?

Where do your work & passions overlap?

Even if your only answer is that you do this work to pay the bills, you can still have a positive attitude about it. There are always ways to bridge the gap between what you love to do and what you actually do. The trick is figuring out what elements they have in common. 

When you know what your passion and work have in common, you can begin bringing that passion to your work. 

NOTE: If you can’t find anything positive or none of your passions overlap with your work, it might be time to consider a career change. 

Doing Work You Love

If you’re fortunate to like, or even love, what you do, you probably had an easy time figuring out where your passions and work overlap. For instance, if you enjoy customer-oriented jobs, perhaps you are in a role where you can serve customers with the skills you have, like a corporate trainer role. 

There will obviously still be some uncomfortable pieces, but if you are a trainer, you probably enjoy working closely with others, learning new things, and sharing your knowledge and passion with others. These are all very fulfilling aspects of a role like this, and make it easier to like what you do. 

Even jobs you like can get tedious sometimes, though, so it’s still important to critically analyze what you do and the aspects you like.

Even jobs you like can get tedious sometimes, though, so it’s still important to critically analyze what you do and the aspects you like. It’s also important to look at the shortcomings, because it’s often these that make for frustration at work. 

Love What You Do

Ask yourself these four questions:

What about this work makes you feel good?

Why do you continue to do this work? 

Where do your passions intersect with your work?

How could you enjoy your work even more?

Sometimes change isn’t always about finding a whole new job or figuring out a completely new system or organization. The best change usually comes from maximizing what you love to do and combining it with aspects a job you enjoy.

Even when you love what you do, it’s important to think about the ways your passions overlap your work and areas that could be improved.

NOTE: No job is “perfect,” even if it’s an amazing opportunity. Even when you love what you do, it’s important to think about the ways your passions overlap your work and areas that could be improved.

Creativity to Work

Step 4: Add Creativity to Your Work

The final step is implementing strategies into your work life to capitalize on your creativity.

You have arrived! You’ve figured out all the important things you need to know about your job, and the ways your work overlaps with what you love to do. This is hard work, so give yourself a hand! 

The final step is implementing strategies into your work life to capitalize on your creativity. Not every strategy will work for every person, and don’t feel the need to rush out and try all of them at once. It will probably be overwhelming if you suddenly change every aspect of your job all at once!

Here are 5 Great Strategies to Try:

Play a Competitive Game Against Yourself

Great strategy for: people who love competition and like to keep things light at work

Basis of this idea: Set mini-targets that challenge you do complete your work to the best of your ability on a specific timeline. Even if the mini-target is something like completing required paperwork 15 minutes faster or seeing how many emails you can appropriately respond to in 30 minutes, set yourself targets you can get to if you give it your best.

By making it a little competition with a reward for meeting your targets, you can realign your energy with your goals in a more productive way.

Then, give yourself a small reward for getting to the target. Short walks are a great reward, as are 5 minute phone game breaks (if you will be able to stop playing after those 5 minutes). 

Creative Aspect: When you get into the comfort zone, simple things that eat up a lot of your time (like paperwork & email) can be a drain on your energy and enthusiasm. By making it a little competition with a reward for meeting your targets, you can realign your energy with your goals in a more productive way. Not only that, but if you set your targets high, you might have to figure out a new or more efficient system to meet the goal.

Imagine the Ideal Version of Your Job 

Great strategy for: People who work at a job they dislike so much that they have a hard time rolling out of bed in the morning

Basis of this idea: Taking focus off the job you dislike and reusing that energy to create a positive image in your mind. Consider these questions:

What would I like my job to be? What’s missing? 

How could I add what’s missing? 

Part of figuring out how to make your job better is identifying what you don’t like about it in the first place. If you can think critically about these things and use your imagination to picture the ideal version of your job, you can begin to make the actual job a little better - a little more like your ideal picture.

Part of figuring out how to make your job better is identifying what you don’t like about it in the first place.

Creative Aspect: If you really dislike your job, it will take some imagination and effort to generate an image where you wouldn’t be miserable. When you are able to create that image, you will have to use your creativity to figure out ways to start making the real job more like the ideal, especially if you work in a place with strict policies & procedures.

Scheduling Time

Do Something You’re Passionate About

Great strategy for: People who are bored or don’t really like their job (but aren’t necessarily miserable)

Basis of this idea: Scheduling time to do things you’re passionate about will increase productivity during the time when you’re working on parts you don’t like. If you have a job where you schedule meetings and use a calendar, look at your week and block some time to do something you’re passionate about.

You will be amazed at how just a short time thinking about something you love will give you vigor and increase productivity.

This could be a half hour per day, an hour three times a week, or even a longer two hour period one day per week. Whatever time you know you can dedicate without interruption. If you are in an active job where you don’t have meetings and calendar events, use your lunch, even if it’s just 15-30 minutes to focus on the thing you love doing. 

Creative Aspect: You are at work, and if you don’t have any down time or you have a strict set of time-keeping or regulations, scheduling time can be tricky. You will have to get creative about how you focus on your passion; however, you will be amazed at how just a short time thinking about something you love will give you vigor and increase productivity.

Revamp Your Organizational System or Get a New One

Great strategy for: People who feel overwhelmed, overworked, or just want a change of pace in daily work life

Basis of this idea: Changing your organization system can give you new energy and change your workflow just enough to keep things interesting. You will first have to figure out what kind of organization you use - do you file documents? Schedule meetings? Correspond with clients? And how do you do those things? What keeps your work on track and ensures you can find what you need to find?

Changing your organization system can give you new energy and change your workflow just enough to keep things interesting.

Once you look at what you do now, think about what could be better. Do you need a more efficient system for filing data and paperwork? Or maybe you don’t really have a system and need to figure out how to better prioritize the tasks you already have. Either way, figure out a systematic way to complete your tasks. This can help keep you engaged at work

Creative Aspect: If you have a ton of tasks or you inherited a specific type of organization, it can be hard to “buck the system” so to speak. Not all management loves to have employees change their workflow. If this is true of your company, you will have to get creative about the ways in which you can improve your workflow while still following the rules.

Get Creative

Have Lunch with Someone New

Great strategy for: Everyone

Basis of this idea: Networking is always beneficial, and hearing other perspectives about your company can change your own. It’s never a bad thing to have a friend at work, so if you see someone in your department or when you come in to work every day, ask them to have lunch!

Co-workers will probably be surprised (and delighted) you asked them to lunch.

You don’t know how this friendship will help you, but it could lead to promotions or other job offers. It’s also helpful to hear about other parts of your company and even other perspectives about your department from someone else who has different circumstances

Creative Aspect: If you’re a shy person, you might be afraid to ask someone to eat lunch with you. Others also have their lunchtime routine, just like you do. You will have to get creative about the ways you begin to build relationships at work and even the ways you ask your coworkers to lunch! They will probably be surprised (and delighted) you asked.

Make Time to Learn

Great strategy for: Everyone

Basis of this idea: We grow when we learn, so it stands to reason that making time to learn would be a helpful activity to do at work. Investigate your company’s learning management system (LMS) to see what’s available to you through work. This could be online learning, virtual classes, or even seminars.

We grow when we learn, so it stands to reason that making time to learn would be a helpful activity to do at work. 

Choose something that interests you, even if you don’t think it’s directly related to your job. Bonus points if you find something you’re interested in that will directly benefit your work! Block off time on your calendar, or on breaks/at lunch, to work through that learning

Creative Aspect: The time component can be tricky to schedule, if you’re at a job without much down time; however, some companies also don’t really encourage personal learning at work unless it’s directly related to what you do. This makes it difficult to gain new skills.

Some companies also make employees request learning rather than opening it up to everyone at the company, which means it could get denied. If this is your company, you will have to get creative about how you rationalize use of work time and resources to learn about personal interests. 

These are strategies I’ve used to bring creativity to my work, but I’d love to hear about yours! What experiences have you had with creativity in the workplace? Or how have you overcome lack of creativity in your job? Drop a comment below or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com! 

What Breaks Confidence?: Exploring Confidence Series #3

Welcome back to the Exploring Confidence Series!  

When you think of losing confidence, how does that happen? 

In Part 3 of our Exploring Confidence mini-series, we will discuss why we lose confidence and what happens when our confidence falters.

What is Confidence? & What Creates Confidence?: A Brief Review

In Part 1 we defined confidence as: the “quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans, or the future.” We discussed self-efficacy, where confidence comes from, and the fact that everyone needs it! 

In Part 2 we expanded these ideas and discussed two important factors that create confidence: support from our network and taking risks & succeeding. 

Confidence matters because it creates a more positive mindset, allows for better interactions with others, and creates an easier path to success.  

Confidence is made up of a combination of inner strength, willingness to be wrong, and the knowledge that you can get back up when you fall down. 

Why Do We Lose Confidence? 

We know what confidence is, and where it comes from, which is great! We are all human, though, so we know that not every decision or every day is a confident one. We can sometimes question whether our actions will lead to where we want to go, or lose trust that everything will be alright in the end.

Who here has had a day where they felt defeated and all confidence is just gone? I know I have! 

There are several factors that can cause our confidence to dwindle: 

Lack of Support Network Although our support network can be greatly helpful in creating our confidence, sometimes we find ourselves without a support network. These individuals can’t help us build confidence if they’re not present, or not willing to be present, in times of seeming defeat. 

There are two types of “missing” support network: 

First, the physical absence of anyone you have a meaningful relationship with. For instance, if you have a small family and your last remaining relative passes away. You’re not in a relationship, you don’t have children, and you’ve spent the last few years being a caretaker, so you have been distanced from close friends. In this example, you are seemingly alone in the world without a support network because there literally isn’t anyone in your life to turn to.

Second, there are people around you, but the relationships are weak and/or not responsive to the relationship. For instance, if you have a large family but aren’t close with anyone in particular. Perhaps you only see them once every few years, and you don’t really correspond or keep in touch in between, even when there are joyous or terrible events. In this situation, you have a network, but the relationships are not such that they create support for you.

In either situation, we don’t have a “safety net” of supporters rallying our spirits and building our confidence.

In either situation, we don’t have a “safety net” of supporters rallying our spirits and building our confidence. We feel like we are alone in the world, and so we wonder how we can possibly succeed if it’s us against the entire world. That mindset can severely lessen our confidence. 

Harmful “Support” Network On the other hand, just because we have a network doesn’t always mean it’s healthy or supportive. Sometimes we get into situations where the people we think are going to support us go the opposite direction and that can really take a toll on our confidence.

Our “support” network can be verbally, emotionally, or even physically harmful. Many times, our network uses more than one of these kinds of harmful behavior together. All of them are dangerous, and if you are facing one of these relationships in your life, you should seek help immediately. 

When individuals in our network are verbally harmful, they say they are our allies, but then speak to us in a way that degrades our relationships and confidence. This might be a parent saying they believe in you but then telling you you’ll never make it. It could be a friend mentioning a scholarship you would love but then saying, “But I don’t know if it would be the right fit for you, you know you struggle in that area.” 

All of these behaviors are dangerous, and if you are facing one of these relationships in your life, you should seek help immediately. 

When individuals in our network are emotionally harmful, they behave in ways that make us doubt our decisions and actions. There are multiple ways this can occur, but one of the most common is guilt tripping. For instance, if you try to end a toxic relationship with someone and they threaten to commit suicide if you go through with it. This behavior is meant to manipulate you into feeling bad about the decision, and therefore not making it. It’s also a control tactic that can be used to influence you into doing things you wouldn’t otherwise do by creating or affecting extreme emotion.

When individuals in our network are physically harmful, they behave in ways that hurt us physically, which leads to a feeling of weakness and helplessness. They physically block doors when we are leaving, or sometimes even lay hands on us in an attempt to break our confidence enough that we stay where we are and let them control our actions. The individual may act out with or without apology. Sometimes abusers use all three kinds of harm to meet their ends but then later try to apologize. They say things like “I didn’t mean it” or “I’ll never do that again, I swear.” 

Never Fully Developed Our confidence isn’t always about others, though. After all, we are our own individuals! Sometimes confidence can break more easily because it never really developed all the way to begin with. 

This might be related to our environment growing up, or our unique personalities. It might also be that we were hesitant kids who weren’t willing to take risks. As we learned in Part 2, risk-taking is one of the major ways we build our confidence. It’s kind of hard to do that when you’re not taking any!

If you’re confidence is low, think for a moment: what was a time where you were fully and unabashedly confident? 

If you’re confidence is low, think for a moment: what was a time where you were fully and unabashedly confident? If you are having trouble, it could be that your confidence was there, but not as fully developed as you thought.

Bad & Failed Experiences Probably the biggest way we lose confidence in ourselves is when we have bad experiences, including failure. We have all had experiences where things didn’t go as planned and ended differently than we expected. Sometimes this means the outcome is poor, but sometimes it’s just different. In either circumstance, it’s not as “good” as we would have liked, so we feel disappointment. 

Careers and relationships are often the biggest culprits of bad and failed experiences. These are areas we can see major wins and losses pretty easily because we spend so much time working on them individually and with others. Academics and schoolwork also falls within this realm, although there is a lot more middle ground where the bare minimum can be met but the expectations are not. 

In terms of careers, if you’ve been on the job market recently, you have probably felt bad experience keenly. As a job seeker, you put in customized resumes and cover letters for jobs that would be an amazing fit with your skills and personality...only to receive no response whatsoever. To make things even worse, you are finally formally rejected via an error-riddled email 6 months later (when you’re still looking for a position). 

This type of bad experience might not even have anything to do with you and your actions, but the sheer amount of qualified applicants in a process that lacks human interaction. Talk about a confidence buster, right? 

Relationships with others can also lead to bad experiences or failure. When you’re in a serious relationship, or trying to be, you have to be willing to offer the best of yourself. The other person must do the same for the relationship to succeed because you both pull from the shared best well to succeed as a team. The problem is, sometimes you put your best in and the other person takes it out without putting anything in themselves. Sometimes you and the other person only put a little into the shared well. Sometimes there is no well and one of you is taking on the responsibility of being the well from which the relationship draws. 

Any way the story ends, your confidence in future relationships will be diminished because of how draining the prior experience was.

Any way the story ends, your confidence in future relationships will be diminished because of how draining the prior experience was.

There are also times we are doing fine, but not as well as we’d hoped. One major place we see this is in school. You might start the semester striving for an A, only to have some crisis in the middle of the semester. You finish class with a “C” instead. This feels like a failure because you had high expectations, but the reality is, a “C” is passing. You did pass the class, you just didn’t perform as well as you wanted. It’s a double-edged sword because on the one hand, you passed, which is good and you can move on; but on the other hand, for many students a “C” feels terrible, like they did something really wrong. 

Even though you couldn’t have controlled the crisis, your confidence can take the hit because you feel like you should have been able to control it and do better.

What Happens When We Lose Confidence?

When we lack confidence, it feels bad. Even if we are normally confident, surviving a bad support network or doing less than our best can take a toll on all areas in our life. 

A few noticeable things occur when we lack confidence:

Afraid to Make Decisions When we get the feeling we can’t do something, or do it well, we become afraid to make decisions in our lives. This is especially true if we had a bad experience because of a specific decision we made. 

If you tried to make a big career jump, but then it fell flat and wasn’t at all what you expected, you might be afraid to make another big jump, right? 

Our experiences can be a big deterrent from making decisions because we feel like the same thing might happen again if we decide incorrectly.

Inaction on Our Big Dreams When our confidence drops, we make less or prolonged decisions. We’re afraid those choices will negatively impact where we’re going, so we try to avoid doing anything that could put our big dreams at risk. The problem is, without action, we aren’t getting to our dreams.

If you proposed to your significant other and they rejected you, maybe even ended the relationship, it’s going to be a lot harder to get to your dream of having a family. Would you feel confident enough to go back out and try to find another partner to start your family? Maybe, maybe not.

Our experiences can deter us from making decisions, and can also lead us away from taking action.

Our experiences can deter us from making decisions, and can also lead us away from taking action. Without action, you won’t be able to move forward toward your dreams. 

Worry More When we lack confidence, we worry about things. Sometimes they are things that make sense, like how to make important decisions; but, sometimes they are things we didn’t used to worry about when we were more confident. 

If you have always done well at writing in school, and then in your required college writing class you get a “C” on your first big project, you will definitely worry about doing better next time, right? Or worry that you’re not actually good enough to do well in class and college in general. 

Even when we have the skills, and we make good decisions, not everything turns out how we expect. When things don’t go our way, we worry much more about the next time. 

Feel Resigned & Stuck Most of all, when our confidence drops, we feel stuck. We feel like we’re in a hole we can’t climb out of, and sometimes we resign ourselves to just being okay with that thought. We remember a time when we were confident, but can’t get back to that point for whatever reason.

If you’ve completed your degree and taken a low wage job you don’t want in order to pay the bills, you probably feel a little stuck. Then, even though you had the best intentions of finding something better, you are still in that job for 5 years later because you can’t find something better. What’s taking the biggest hit? Your confidence, most likely. 

When we’re afraid to make decisions, not taking any action on our dreams, and worrying about what feels like everything, that’s a recipe for feeling stuck.

When we’re afraid to make decisions, not taking any action on our dreams, and worrying about what feels like everything, that’s a recipe for feeling stuck. And when we’ve been stuck long enough, we might feel resigned to it - like nothing is going to get better. The “this is it” mindset.

What’s Next? 

We’ve talked about why we lose confidence and what happens when our confidence falters. Tune in for the next and final part of our mini-series to read more about how to get confidence when we need it!

What have your experiences been with confidence? I’d love to hear about them! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com.